We Chose Autism

February 2007 I answered a phone call from a lady at DHS asking if we would respite a child in their care.  This child was in my Sunday School class, didn’t speak (only growled), and stayed in the corner under the table each Sunday.  We were DHS’s “last hope”.  I ask this woman if she realized this child didn’t speak….  I told her (in order to get her off the phone) that I would speak to my husband.
We had an empty nest of 2 years and had settled happily into it at this point.  I was certain he would say no!   You guessed it tho, he said, “That sounds like fun”.  Although I was a nurse, I didn’t take the time to realize that this child's speechless, frightened and confused condition had a name.
We learned the child had been abused, removed from her parents, and had autism.  She stayed with us 11 days and during that time I kept hearing my husband repeat, “She’s a diamond in the rough”.  Abruptly one morning after dropping her off at school we received a call that DHS would pick her up… thank you, and good-bye… we were speechless.  The next morning, having not made eye contact with each other my husband said we needed to “talk”.   A couple of sentences later we were figuring out who was her appointed attorney and speaking with him.  The attorney was shocked and apprehensive at our questions; the child’s “court time” was that morning and had just been postponed until later in the day.  We grabbed what we needed and headed to the courthouse.  This child had just turned 9 years old, was female and disabled due to her autism.  This meant in legal terms that she was “unadoptable” and a “therapy group home” situation was going to be decided on that afternoon.  The attorney was apprehensive because he did not know of the relationship we had formed together over the last 11 days and concerned about our commitment.  But the judge gave us day visitation, instructed us to enroll in “foster care” classes and full care from the state could be ours as quickly as 3 months.  From there we would pursue full adoption.  By that evening we were looking at each other knowing our hearts were much more settled than they had been that morning but also wondering what was happening and would happen to us now.  Every step would be new, and life-long permanent.  By choosing this child we had chosen autism.
It’s a statement we have heard again and again.  “You chose her”, “you chose to do this”, “it was your choice”.  Did we know what we were getting ourselves into? No, not in the least.  Could we have imagined it? No, we were in love with this child.  From learning to deal with extreme frustration in expressing herself (and ourselves to her) to realizing some things will never be learned we have taken a journey on this 3-seater together, trying to learn and live and love together and keep our lives private.  Because to this day, with all the successes we have shown the world, and all the autistic traits we have attempted to trade, change, and adjust to we still hear “you chose autism”.
We chose a beautiful, intelligent and loving in-her-own -way, child and yes, we live and love with autism as a choice we made.  We chose autism 8 years ago and like any other choice that has at its foundation love of another it has been a struggle.  But we would choose autism again, many times, if it meant choosing her.

treasuring the process

  Fall weather is slowly creeping into my life.  I welcome fall and tend to start the fall decorating soon after Labor Day.  With the decorating though comes the cleaning and by that I mean the deeper, new- season-is-coming, cleaning.  I spent a solid hour yesterday cleaning the back glass door!  I looked down as I was vacuuming and realized that the sliding screen track was black with a sooty kind of filth! And it isn't that I haven't noticed it building up there, this is our most used door leading to our backyard, the lake, the boat... the grill for heaven's sake.  I use this door daily.  But fall is here and cleaning has gotten in my bones!  The vacuum wasn't making a dent, so I got the '409', a toothbrush and a dry rag.  On my knees, on the back deck, scrubbing... just me, my dog and the birds.  WOW!  I was really enjoying this cleaning chore, but more than that I was enjoying the time.  The free time, the time it was taking to hear the birds, to enjoy the feel of the perfect temperature, and the time it was taking to enjoy cleaning our nest.  This is a whole different 'time' than when I was raising children and rushing through all my 'chores'.  This is how I wish I had felt and acted in my earlier years, but for now, I'm learning to slow down and treasure living in my daily life... deep cleaning and all!

comfy clothes out of the house? you bet!

After writing that post on comfy clothes, and being in comfy clothes for most of the day, I was not looking forward to changing just to run a few afternoon errands!  The fix was pretty simple tho and I thought I would share it with you today. 
I had on a t-shirt, pj's pants and slippers so to transition to town-wear I put on a pair of Chico's slimming stretch ankle jeans, (can't go wrong with the comfort here), left that cute tee on, grabbed a colorful scarf, and put on an awesome pair of RED leather loafers! yes, RED! There was some red in the scarf and my earrings were red, and of course the eye glasses...RED!  Lip gloss and pony tail and I am walking out the door, feeling cute and comfy :-) 

The best part was coming home and the red shoes went right back in their shoe box and the jeans folded quickly as I put them back in their spot.  (You do that right? wear jeans for 2 hours and it is universally acceptable to just put them away?!?)  In absolutely no time at all I am right back in the pj's and slippers!  Voila!  Quick change, and both ways equaled cute and comfy.

the perspective of comfy clothes

So it appears that every year I sit down and take the time to write another post...seriously? a year?
And like I said last "year",  I think I have so many good thoughts to share!

Around my house we have this habit of getting into comfy clothes.  Like the minute we get home we are all headed to our rooms to shed the "town clothes", the clothes we wear in public!  Not one of us stops for any reason, in fact we are anticipating those loose fitting, soft, sweet smelling t-shirts, baggy pants and cozy slippers long before we hit the front door. 
Several months ago though  I looked at all of us and wondered why our comfy clothes were ragged and our "good" clothes, especially the comfortable ones weren't making it out for US.  It seemed a little backwards, shouldn't we look at least a little better for each other if "we" are the most important people in our lives, the people we want to put first?  Now, I am not talking about all the accessorizing and high-heel wearing around the house kind of thing, but just maybe we could wear some of those clothes that we keep "saving" and maybe we could toss out a few of those "worn to a frazzel" ones and come to an inbetween.  Maybe some of those saved-for-someday clothes could be pulled out and enjoyed around the house.  And maybe, I didn't need quite so many "comfy" clothes,  like the ones I have had since by-gone days!
So, I did some house cleaning, clothes cleaning out.  And you know, we all had so many items that we adored and were "saving".  So many soft shirts hanging and shorts waiting... and waiting for what?
I now have 2 pairs of J.Crew, (on sale), pj pants, 1 pair of thin ankle-high gray athletic pants and a half dozen Old Navy soft tees with only the cutest of one word phrases.  I make sure I wear earrings to sparkle, tingly shiny lip gloss, and a big smile each day that I am home in my "comfy clothes"!
And the rest of the family has come around to the same idea.  You see we live with an autistic child that wakes up EVERY morning and reminds us of the date and that we only have 1 of these particular days.  And she is right, I only have one Sept. 10, 2014 ... so why not wear, look and feel cute and sweet in my comfy clothes!

Will life ever slow down? (And do I really want it to?)

I have planned this blog for a few years now.  I even write it in my head as I am driving and the words are the perfect mix of interesting, engaging and funny!  Then I get to the computer and check emails, skim a few articles, glance at a few blogs and wish I was doing all the 'stuff' the blogger is communicating to me, get stuck in Pinterest oogling over a many things, and then computer time is over and it is past time to move on to more domestic chores...  So here goes, another do-over and without the guilt!  I refuse to guilt myself over undone, want-to-do's ever again.
Feeling middle-aged, while not understanding how I got here, I decided to take on a few projects, however slowly, that I had always thought I would like to do.  One of those was playing around with a real camera and good grief is there a lot to learn just to begin to snap a few shots.  Just getting over the fear of pushing any buttons or turning any dials was a major feat for me!  The research and purchasing of the camera was the easy part, the "pulling the trigger" on that amount of money was the hardest part, but I got past that and then let the thing sit in the box until I "had time to sit and study it"... ever do that?  Make a major purchase just to wait weeks to get up the nerve to start using it, waiting on the right time and right amount of time??  I am now happy to report that after an hour with one of my very patient daughters, I am really enjoying this photography stuff, JUST LIKE I HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO DO!  I am proud and satisfied that I made this step, cause I am realizing with each new and wonderful day that I have a limited amount of real living to do.  And right now I am still busy, living.  Slowing down isn't an option yet cause that is too close to stopping!
Happiness is... moving forward, one step (however slowly) at a time!

...not sleeping late on a Saturday!

There was a time in my life when I wanted to sleep late on a Saturday morning.  When I was sure that Saturday morn sleep was a cure for anything negative that happened during the entire past week.  A time when I would, probably did, snuggle down on the floor and fall back asleep as the children watched a little TV.  But honestly I can't think of very many of those times because I never liked the girls watching TV and they were always up happy and ready for a big breakfast!
I'm not sure when I decided I needed a sleep-in Saturday morn.... but on the rare occasion that the opportunity has been grabbed, it has never worked for me.  I wake up at my 'usual' time no matter the day so I really just lay there and doze, and that can be fun but never past 6:30am.  Anything later than that is always a recipe for a chaotic entire day!
Once I realized, and accepted, that I like to get up early and move a bit slower, it has been another moment of true happiness.  I want to be up, drink my coffee and freshen up before the rest of the house is ready to be "needy".  This is my recipe for calmness, me being ready!  I want to have a whole day, not just 1/2 a day cause I slept too late and then moved slow.  I want to enjoy the colors of the sunrise, the calmness of the lake, and actually hear the early morning chatter of the birds.  I want to move a bit slower, pet a little more on my dog... I want the time to be ready for the family.  They deserve to be greeted by the domestic goddess and engineer of their home with a smile that radiates from a happy heart and I deserve the time to move a bit slower to make that happen.
My name is Deby and I LIKE getting up early on a Saturday morning!

March 4, 2013

Ok, what happened?
A year ago I started this blog and then before I knew anything at all a whole year passed. 

Happiness is.... from the perspective of just having my 55th birthday, of being the mom of 3 awesome daughters, one with autism and in jr. high, one being in grad school working on a PhD that I struggle to understand even the title, and one that made me the grandma of twin girls this last year! 
Happiness is....
My birthday was a couple of days ago.  My husband decorated with streamers and balloons, tons of gifts, cake, flowers... He does come through, he is trained well because I do the same for this entire family.  Birthdays are the only day that belongs to the b'day person, right?  And, when you leave home, it is never the same.  No one ever cares as much as the family did, right?  So, I make it a big deal, and my children will make it a big deal for their kids.... just show some love!
And all that was happy, and fun... and especially heartfelt.  But here is where the unusual part comes in, where I actually followed through with a "feel good idea", a "you only live once", a "make this the year you find a little bit of time to do what makes your life so good"  time! 
Everyone went to bed, John had a fire going in the fireplace... I was the last to head to the bed.  It was then that I realized it was the weekend, there was a nice gentle fire going, my couch is solid down feathers....  I grabbed a pillow and snuggled up on the couch and fell asleep watching that fire.  And it didn't take long! but that wasn't the point.  The point was I did something to enjoy my home and myself.  I woke up later in the night, said a thank you prayer as I headed to bed and finished my night in my comfy bed.
My resolution for my new year of life.... enjoy something each day, it's worth it, I'm worth it:)